Banff Schmanff

Well hello, unwitting reader! You've stumbled unintentionally or otherwise (perhaps you lost a bet?) onto The Unvarnished Truth. It's the official blog of Punch Drunk Cabaret in all it's swarthy glory. And when I say swarthy I do mean dark & hairy.... like us!



What Rhymes With Banff (Stays Rhymed With Banff)


Banff in Janff



Our most recent shows were Jan 28-30 in boring ol' Banff AB. You know Banff, don'tcha? The tectonic tedium of mountain terrain.... the vast, vapid blue skies... the nagging niceties of Mother Nature. Bleah. Who would want that?

Ugh. The damned, drab Rockies again.


To be truthful, any excuse to be in Banff is a good one. But we just happened to be returning for the best reason -- a gig at the world (in)famous Rose & Crown, where things happen and you don't talk about them afterward. Unless you write a blog. Then it's a tell-all!

Par exemple, the last time we appeared there, we experienced technical difficulties, a drumstick was fellated during a show and we rocked. This time, we experienced more technical difficulties, zero drumsticks were fellated (but we reminisced about it) and we still rocked.

But soldiering above and beyond the obligatory but decidedly deciduous hazards of rock 'n' roll road life is our mantra.... our calling... our axiom.... our (Editor's Note: Shuddu-u-u-up!)...



Hey Little Boy, Want Some Candy?


When one is in Banff, one should take a leisurely stroll down main street to avail themselves to the hubbub of activity there. Things observed by your humble scribe almost always include: free-roaming wild animals, unspeakably hot, lululemon women with their undeserving, douchebaggery boyfriends and strangely named confectionaries. There is a correlation, somehow, between all three of these things so I'll just post one picture that hopefully encapsulates the entire sentiment nicely.

A gentleman would never use this word in polite conversation. That's why there's a picture.



Sounds Like Scrunch Junk Cabernet


Your PDC pals are happy to play just about anywhere... except (EDITED FOR LEGAL PURPOSES), oh god, never play (EDITED AGAIN FOR LEGAL PURPOSES)! Haha, I mean, if there's one place you should avoid at all costs it would be (EDITED YET AGAIN AND FOR THE LAST TIME FOR LEGAL PURPOSES).

But no matter the location, it tickles us with glee just to be mentioned in newsprint, on the transmitter radio or even the boob tube. Even if well-meaning folks mispronounce, misspell or otherwise mistake our name, we're appreciative of any or all exposure of our proud moniker and more so when corrections are made without our badgering. Which makes the following two photographs integral to the point, not to mention cute as hell.


l to r: Thursday, Friday



The New, Improved PDC.... Or Not 


Although no drumsticks were sexually violated in any way during these performances, that didn't mean that other things weren't revealed, exposed and consumed by hungry consensual orifices. Like our new songs.... pervert!

As your Punch Drunk buds are at this moment actually in the middle of recording album 3, a weekend respite to Banff is just what the doctor ordered. And the prescription is for (no, not more cowbell) brand new tunes which lucky Banffers were privy to. Tunes like "Detonation Time", "Voodoo Vodka Stomp" and "Halos & Horns" to name a few will be on the forthcoming opus.

What will not be on the new long-player will be visages of a drastic change in wardrobe... although there has been some experimentation. Tell us what you think about this potential new image:


Bandmeister Randy B sportin' his new homage to Mike Reno..... no?


Capt. Sean E. Watts's new "underwater-worn" goggle look. And of course that's not actual condensation from a three-hour performance in a stifling tavern environment. That would be unrealistic. And gross.


We also met a lithesome, young lady whom I shall dub "Naomi The Limber" for soon to be apparent reasons. Your ol' Sawbones has always wanted a nimble go-go dancer on stage. Perhaps this year is the time!


Potential live prop for PDC 2016 



Things Overheard At The Rose & Crown


"Your 12-string bass is sexy." (From an admiring male)


"Pardon et moi, but my English is bad. You're awesome." (From a completely separate admiring male)


"This is one of the ugliest bands ever." (From a not-so admiring female)


"This cigarette tastes like f---ing heaven."


"You look like Gary Oldman."


Guy: "Where you from?"

Us: "Dustbowl, Alberta."

Guy: "......"

Guy: "You should move."


Sawbones: "You look like a Scottish Jesus."

Scottish Jesus: "I'm a schoolteacher."

Sawbones: "......"

Sawbones: "Scottish Jesus you so funny!"


Scottish Jesus or pedagogue..... or both!



Au Revoir


Another successful Banff (ad)venture is in the can! Each time we play at the venerable R&C, the staff (Stanislaus, Geneva et al) are as accommodating as ever.... although personally, I miss the bartender from last time who fed us endless and seemingly repercussionless shots of tequila. Wonder where he went to??? Huh.


And that's the unvarnished truth.