Curling Is Sexier Than You Think

Another sporting edition of The Unvarnished Truth awaits your scrutiny! In this edition, PDC travels to Calgary for The Brier. Curling? Swingin' countrified rockabilly? Beer???? An Alberta trifecta if there ever was one!

 

A Veritable Bonspiel Of Libidinousness

 

Curling is as much a part of Canadiana as --  and somewhere in between --  hockey and lacrosse. It also has more sex appeal! WHAT?! The devil you say! How can curling possibly be sexier than lacrosse? Well, precocious reader, with terms like "kiss the button"... "hurry hard"... "sliding rock"... "in the house"... and "end".... I think I've made my point. 

Then there's "corn broom", "hog line" and "inside turn".... but that's an interesting discussion for another day. 

 

More Gratuitously Cheeky Metaphors

 

This past Sunday, the gentlemen three of PDC loaded in to the Big Four venue (called the "Brier Patch" for this occasion) on the grounds of the famous Calgary Stampede. There, we were to perform on a massive stage with a looming, booming sound system and world-class light show. Now lil 'old us don't need nothin' more than a closet-sized area to rock out on. But Punch Drunk Cabaret has always said we fear no stage.... even the big ones! And it's not the size of the rock, curling fans, but how you use it.

 

 
Ready for anything -- bass, whiskey, jammies (in case of sleepover with buxom curling groupie)

 

Checks & Balances

 

Soundcheck proved interesting as the venue was set up to watch big screen feeds of the live matches next door at the Saddledome. Therefore, no musical racket during game play.... but we were fully welcome to check our sound levels during commercial breaks! This meant every twelve minutes, we'd get a two-minute window to hurriedly make audio adjustments. Essentially...

Band: Check one-two, boom, tap, plink, plink...

Soundman: Ok good. Commercial's over.

Band: -sigh-

 

Waiting for the end to end  

 

The Big Stage: pre-show

 

 

 

 

The Big Stage: pre-show....bass-eye view

 

 

Once we got roaring in the rings, as it were, your Punch Drunk pals took full advantage of the big stage and pumped out an hour and a half set of sexually-charged, musical moments that only the kinky curlers would understand.

 

Hack - It's A Homonym

 

Curlers can also dance.... which they did to our scaramouchesque brand of swing & swagger. Naturally, we threw a few original rocks like "Copperplated Boats" from the first album and "Hail The Kings Of Steampunk Swing" from our latest opus. Then we swept up with a few new cover tunes, including Red Rider's "Through The Curtain" and Adam Ant's "Goody Two-Shoes".

With the all the running around on that big a space... I confess, as a moderately older gentleman, it winded me a couple of times and I may or may not have hacked a few notes in the process. Gonna have to work out more. Or perhaps take up curling!

 The Big Stage (thank to Chris LeBlanc for the pic!)

 

Rock 'N' Roll Is A Vicious Game: The Injury Report

 

 - The Captain's gibbosity grimly appeared again in the guise of blistered fingers. Ol' Sean must be hitting the drums harder than ever because now he's blowing bandages clean off'n his digits!

 - Bandmeister Randy B suffered a burst blood vessel in his ocular area. We're not sure if this happened during the show or afterwards but you can't argue that the man bleeds for his art!

An eyeful

 

 - Sawbones reported no injuries other than a brier-bruised heart from spurned lovin'.

 

 

Skipping To The End

 

 - Thanks to the Tim Horton's Brier for involving our humble trio.  

 - Thanks to Mark and Crystal Remple who were doing some video work on us... to be seen soon!

 - House crew Spencer and Ryan

 - And Cap't Watt's pals Brendan and Chris for showin' up, helpin' out and bein' darn fine fellers!!

 

And that's the unvarnished truth.

 

Sawbones