Lilactose & Tolerant

If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Why, The Unvarnished Truth in Calgary, naturally!

With winter finally nipped in the bud and the obligatory five minutes of spring blossomed, the PDC touring machine begins to bloom on the eve of summer concert season. Calgary's Lilac Festival last weekend was to be de-flowered by us, as it was Punch Drunk Cabaret's first appearance there.


Truck Naked (And Flower Diagram Research)

Far be it from yours truly to be a diva or anything, but we were told there'd be nary a change room at the venue much to my dapper chagrin. Now if you know anything about your Punch Drunk pals, it's that we take our fashion sense seriously. And one must keep up appearances. Bandmeister Randy B and I were already dressed in our Sunday best when we left HQ in Dustbowl, AB. The Rev. Robin Eklund was not. He smartly changed in his truck a few minutes before the show. So if you happened to see a half-naked man frantically active in the back of a pickup truck adjacent to the beer garden stage in the Safeway parking lot, fear not. For it was just a musician. Or, transversely... fear, for it was a musician.

While putting on my beloved spats in the Rev's truck, I think I slipped a disc in my lower hibiscus and bruised my stamen. It was of my own doing, I'm afraid. No one held a pistil to my head.


More Unglamourous Pettifoggery

Any adjustments to one's costume, makeup or male anatomy had to be done in a beer garden portable lavatory. Not my idea of a band's star rising but one takes what one is given. It builds character and keeps you humble, kids!

I also had to re-paint a fingernail (in manly, rebellious black, naturally) in the aforementioned porta-potty. Rock 'n' roll ain't glamourous (yet).

 Sawbones and the local security constabulary



The amount of eye-popping, feminine pulchritude was staggering. Some days, dear reader, I wish I was blind. Your ol' Sawbones' head was spinning like a top. A very.... frustrated... top.

This open air festival was certainly alive and crawling with revellers -- and rife with food tents but nary a lilac in sight! Why is that? Perhaps a pretty Calgarian can pollenate me with information. (Editor's Note: Stop that).

 Road manager DJ D'Jazzy D'Jeff watching for paparazzi and bratwurst tents


Petal To The Metal

'Twas a good & sweaty set... though it almost but not quite rained all afternoon, the swing gods smiled upon us and we swung unfettered by nature's threat. Cowtowners were treated to fitting covers like the countrified "I Want You To Want Me" and the boot scootin' but highly swingin' sounds of "Rock This Town". And since we're promoting our latest opus, The Juke Joint Revival Hour, festival goers heard "Smokestack Cadillac", "Division Of The Damned" and more!

Chain-link view (from our new pal, Kalen Baker!)


The Rev being "forced" to eat a dubious bratwurst


Not only will new songs be heard this tour but one may also avail themselves to the latest delightful PDC products, made from 100% quality and guaranteed to never disappoint! Like stylish and sultry garters, unisex whiskey flasks and lick 'em & stick 'em tattoos for the kiddies. Hell, we cater to the whole damn family! Try some Punch Drunk Cabaret swag today. You're a daisy if you do!

And that's the unvarnished truth.