Marathon Of Rock! pt. II

Hey you with the face! Stuck around for this one, too, eh? Well you're a foolish but hearty soul and shall be rewarded by much lasciviousness & naughtiness in the coin of full buttock nudity in this pt. II installment of The Unvarnished Truth.... Marathon Of Rock!

(Editor's Note: There will be no, I repeat, NO nudity... full buttock or otherwise.)



Two Days Of -- What Else? -- Pandemonium


The day after the foggy-minded sojourn to Athabasca, your Punch Drunk pals played the much-ballyhooed Blues On Whyte Block Party in Edmonton. A crazy fun fest where they block off the streets, use multiple venues with multiple performers all amid the pedestrian-swarmed state of higgledy-piggledy known as Whyte Ave.

With two shows on Saturday and three on Sunday, we had to be in tip-top physical condition to endure the rigors of set up/play/tear down times five on a sunny, muggy weekend! And since I am not in said tip-top condition.... well, if you're a prayin' person, best send a few to the man upstairs. And if you're a preyin' person, sit back and soak up my age-related whinging!

PDC on one of several stages.... so beginneth the marathon



Big Guns


Saturday was the lesser of two evils.... if by evil you mean temptations of the flesh, the place was lousy with it. And that's bad enough when you're in a well-dressed, swingin' rock 'n' roll band and the ladies are hanging off you like monkeys in cages clamouring for your attention, begging for a piece of you with their bedroom eyes, come hither body language and sinful bosoms.

Since that's not the case, your scribe will just say that as far as the tougher day, schedule-wise, this one was only slightly less evil than Sunday.

We done did two shows, three hours apart or so with plenty o' time in between to fraternize with the other artists on the bill.

Powerhouze Band was one. A very cool r&b/funk/soca/reggae outfit from Calgary whose bass player is about 6'3" and had biceps the size of potbelly pigs. This massive man could probably kill you with a single, mighty blow. Luckily for me and my easily bruised body, he was a very nice fellow.

The following is a photo of myself and Powerhouze's singer. Her bass player simply would not fit.

Sawbones with the lovely & talented Nadi


The crowds were plentiful and receptive to the power of suggestion. That is, we suggested they have a good time and avail themselves to our wares.... which they did.



Sunday Mass


The second day of this harrowing timetable saw us performing thrice in three different venues: the street stage at 5:45, the beer garden at 9:15 and the indoor Blues On Whyte stage at 11:30. You're probably thinking, "Well, being famous rock stars like Punch Drunk Cabaret, why are they complaining about the schedule when they undoubtedly have a crackerjack road crew at the ready?"

Sir or Madam.... I'll have you know that we may be dapper but we're not gaudy. We may look expensive but we're cheap in more ways than you can imagine. We are not famous though we do have a wee skerrick of renown.

Our crackerjack road crew is only one man. And a fine one he is. But only one. (Editor's Note: That would be Craig "The Wrench" Hansen". See previous blogs for bone-chilling definition of nickname.) That means every band member no matter how dainty or complainy humps gear like the rest of the dogs! Sometimes rock 'n' roll ain't so neat & tidy.


Sawbones ALWAYS has time to sign autographs.... yes, even for the youngin's.


Despite the hectic pace, we were able to alter our sets slightly if, god forbid, folks got tired of our schtick. If you were one of the happy throngs that witnessed the musical charm, wit, talent (and modesty) of this act, you were privy to not only our tried and true chestnuts of yore but current sure-fire hits from our current opus, Electrik Steam Show! Yes, a veritable sockdolager of tracks like "Beard Of Bees", "EliXXXer" and more were showcased in unabashed self-promoting fashion. Critics have been saying this is a sexier release than previous attempts.... I wouldn't know but I think these ladies do:

Which is the sexy one?



Breast Efforts


Now I don't want to alarm or offend but.... I think a boob stole my medal.


Yea, oh the wondrous power of boobs! They hypnotize, titillate (pun not intended) and nurture. Though I've never heard of one outright stealing something, they've been known to be allegorically notorious traps.... but I digress.

Case in point: one moment during the day, I was sporting my red star medal proudly displayed on my right pectoral muscle (if I actually had one) lapel. The next moment after a huggy photo op with a lovely, side stage well-wisher, it was gone. I immediately thought the worst: vanished into the chestal nether regions, the comely bosom of lusty delight, the fleshy fun bags of femininity.... either that or it just fell on the ground.

The offending boob? And the girl on the left


I know, dear reader, you may not believe my good intentions but I spent the rest of that day scanning the mammary glands of every woman I could lay eyes on in hopes of finding my beloved bobble. Now, as a gentleman, this is a difficult process to execute and not look like a right cur. Ah, the occupational hazards of rock.   



Hell, Etc.


Aside from these minor first-world quibbles of the western muso, the gig was as hectic as it was fun. By all accounts, plenty of new eyeballs were fixed upon our dapper splendor and an equal amount of earballs were fixed upon our aural splendor. So if you were one of those balls, tell someone! Shout it from the rooftops and spread the word about the gospel of PDC! You may not get saved but you'll have a good time on the way to hell.



Whyte People We Met


Juice, Nadi and Powerhouze Band, Veronica, many awesome and accommodating BOW staff, and several very nice homeless folks. Cheers!



And that's the unvarnished truth.





Really, really good photos by Papa Razzo and Marlaina Eldey!!